Embracing The Beauty That Is You: 3 Steps To Silence Your Harsh Inner Voice

“A beautiful thing is never perfect.”

Today's post is going to be a little different from my usual type, but something that's quite important to me and something I feel reflects the true mission of my blog. I actually submitted this article to TinyBuddha first, but after having it turned down (due to the website preferring not to post content centering around physical appearances - fair enough!) I decided that there would be no better place to post the article than right here on my own blog. I feel that, especially as a fashion and beauty blogger, there is a certain pressure to appear perfect and immaculate day in day out, and the focus of 'beauty' is primarily based on a very physical level.

Whilst I make the effort to dress nice, do my make-up right, and try to help others feel better about their own appearances, I want to stress that beauty is about much more than that. Beauty is a much deeper part of ourselves, underneath all the make-up and stylish clothes, and is as much about our attitude and thoughts than what we actually look like.

So today, I offer you my own practical advice on feeling better about yourself and learning to embrace your beauty - not through make-up tutorials or fashion tips, but from changing your perspective, and overall body image. Enjoy!

~

A few weeks ago, I came across this video. Summed up, it sends the powerful message that we are more beautiful than we think, and like to allow ourselves to believe.

It really struck a chord with me. While watching, I noticed similar traits in the people describing themselves that I also see in myself.

Whenever describing or ‘visualising’ myself, I always seem to paint the worst picture. My flaws are magnified and are the only things I seem to pick up on.

Of course, these flaws could be imagined, or barely noticeable to the everyday eye. But to me, and I’m sure to many other people out there, these flaws are very real to us.

They are how we define ourselves, and our worth.

Whether it’s the dark circles under your eyes, the bump on your nose, the few blemishes on your skin (or all three, in my case) we, as human beings, tend to pick out the least ‘attractive’ things about ourselves, focus on how we can disguise them or somehow ignore their existence, and assume that these are the first things people notice when they meet us.

I have most certainly lived my life like this. In a way, for so long, I’ve lived in fear, because I’ve been fearful of judgement. This fear of judgement has been completely based on my appearance, and for some reason, I’ve always made terrible assumptions that people will judge me for these perceived ‘flaws’ of mine, and reject me in some cruel way.

All on first impressions!

Obviously, my idea of beauty for many years of my life has been somewhat superficial. Very superficial, I should say. Perhaps it is because, when growing up, we are bombarded with media’s physical idea of ‘beauty’, and are brainwashed with lies of perfection.

Perhaps it all comes down to comparing myself so unfairly to others. Maybe it’s hurtful comments I’ve received in the past, or maybe it’s a lack of self-love and inner worth. Maybe it’s all four of those things combined.

But, it all comes down to this: the human race is a lot kinder than we allow ourselves to believe. It’s true. I know what you may be thinking – “but what about all those terrible bullies in school who made me feel like crap/ said mean things/ told me how ugly I am” – I know.

But, as I am beginning to realise myself, it is ourselves who are our own harshest critic.

We have to remember that the people who told us these negative things, that we’ve grown to believe is the truth, are a minority, and don’t reflect the truth about us at all.

As this video showed me, humans are a lot kinder than we might think. It amazed me to see how, rather than picking out each other’s flaws and imperfections, other people honestly saw the best assets in others – it was only in themselves that they were most cruel and negative about their appearance.

Not only is this enlightening to know, but it gives me a great sense of freedom in knowing that, rather than assuming people will always see the worst in me, people will actually, more often than not, notice the great things about us.

And, sometimes, these things that we hate about ourselves, or deem immediately as ‘flaws’, could be the things that others love about us. The things that other people actually find the most endearing and beautiful.

After this discovery, it’s apparent to me now that when it comes down to it, the only thing standing in the way between ourselves and a good-self image is, well, us.

The key to really believing that we are beautiful comes down to our perspective, and ours alone. Thankfully, our perspectives can easily be changed to our benefit, and so I have come up with three simple steps to change your perspective and silence your inner critic:

Self-Awareness

The first, and most important step in my eyes, is self-awareness. What I mean by this is really acknowledging the idea that you have this ‘fixed’ perception of yourself. Over your life, you have formed this irrational, degrading perception of who you are based most likely on negative views of yourself and negative opinions from others.

You have allowed these cruel words and thoughts to form an ‘image’ or idea in your head of what you look like and who you are.

And before you question this, watch the video – the idea of perception is easily witnessed and even the participants themselves begin to realise what a biased, unnecessarily harsh view they’ve had on themselves for so long.

Acknowledge this perception of yours, and you will open yourself up to the possible belief that it most likely isn’t the absolute truth.

Self-Acceptance

The next step is self-acceptance, and is so important in learning to embrace all aspects of your beauty. You may have things you don’t like about yourself, insecurities you’re ashamed of, but the reality is, we all do. Every single one of us.

You are not alone in this, and you may feel helpless in what you can do to change that.

For many years, I believed plastic surgery was the answer. I relied on other people’s opinions and validation to believe anything nice about myself.

But the truth is – learning to live with these things comes from accepting them.

When you accept your ‘flaws’, you’re accepting the idea that they are small flaws in your mind, but may not be to everyone else. You’re acknowledging the fact that there are things about yourself you aren’t so keen on, but you’re rising above it, realising they aren’t so important, and learning to value yourself on a bigger scale by appreciating the wonderful things you do like. Which brings me to my next step…

Self-Love

Self-love comes in a variety of forms, and self-love in general is definitely a vital ingredient to developing a good self-image – but, when it comes down to your outer appearance, loving yourself means appreciating the miracle that is you. It isn’t called self-hate for a reason. You are not picking out the things you dislike and reminding yourself of how much you hate them over and over – but, rather, you are noticing the things you do like, learning to really love them and embrace them in every way you can.

Learning to be positive about your appearance day in, day out is a true reflection of self-love. And when we practice self-love, it is harder and harder for that inner nagging voice to creep back into our minds.

Learn to see yourself the way those who love you, see you. More than likely, they are not even looking at your minor imperfections. They are admiring your true beauty, and the things that are most striking about you.

Do the same for yourself. Why shouldn’t you treat yourself in the same, kind, positive way?

You deserve it, and you deserve to start embracing the beautiful human being that is you.

It will likely take time – I am still on that journey myself. But I’m positive we can all get there.

What is one thing you like about yourself? 

Hope you guys liked the post - remember, you are beautiful!